I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
