guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
