dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
