I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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