I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
