In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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