My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
