i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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