just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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