That's intense
I didn't shave. On purpose
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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