i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
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I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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