Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
