Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
