Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i now understand why vodka
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
