Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
