he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
