You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
