I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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