Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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