I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
