she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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