so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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