oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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