I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
