Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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