And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
