Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
