I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
