i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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