I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
