Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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