she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
