I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
