i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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