Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
