I heard we made out
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
