he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
