You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
