She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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