I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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