ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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