I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
