Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
