You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
