Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
