that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
