I faked an abortion last night.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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