I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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