she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
