I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
