I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
