i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
