I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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