i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
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So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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