can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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