im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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