i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize