Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
