It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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