Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
