Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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