i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
