morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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