Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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