can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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