I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
