Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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