i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
