Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
