i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
