Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
