I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
