Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
