even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
