How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
