i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
