remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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