i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
