It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
