So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
