smell my finger.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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