your parents love me but you hate me
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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