I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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