I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
