I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize