Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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