My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
