why didn't you poke me back
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
