i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
