i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize